Facebook Approves $150 Million Application Bailout

For those not aware, this is a satirical post, not actual news

Today, Facebook approved a $150 million application bailout. This comes after news of the impending shift to the new design for all users. The new design has damaged the traffic of hundreds if not thousands of applications which once thrived in the Facebook economy. The result? Many application developers are now back on the street looking for development work.

When asked for a comment Mark Zuckerberg said, “We must act quickly, otherwise the pain being felt by the developers could rapidly spread into the rest of the economy.” When Barack Obama heard the news of the proposed Facebook bailout, he decided that the issue was so important that his campaign was put on hold and he asked Friday’s Presidential debate to be postponed.

When notified of Obama’s decision, Senator John McCain replied with “Deal!” During a press conference today, Obama said, “Millions of young voters may not have access to applications that they once used on a daily basis. These Facebook users are my constituents and all my constituents have the right to bite their friends on the neck as often as they’d like. Even if they are at work!”

When asked whether giving away more than a quarter of the company’s bank account to developers was a good idea or not, Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, said “Do you know how many stock options I had at Google?” While we were a bit confused by Sheryl’s response, one thing is clear: developers are ecstatic.

One top developer that preferred to speak anonymously said, “We had to switch our application name from FunWall to FunSpace, tell me who’s hurting!” That developer claimed their daily active users had dropped by more than 30 percent since Facebook started rolling out the new design. While it is unclear how this money will be distributed, we will be sure to keep you up to date with any news related to this bailout.