Breaking: Mrs. Claus Works for Google

Google’s Santa Tracker is officially back for its 15th year to surprise and delight children of all ages in the three weeks leading up to Christmas. But the announcement was arguably overshadowed by one shocking detail: It was attributed to none other than Mrs. Claus, who, it turns out, works for Google as the vice president of product for Santa's Village and Santa Tracker! In her post, the now-not-so-secret employee said Google’s interactive holiday hub has games that teach coding skills, as well as features that allow users to create original artwork. New to Santa’s digital village is an Elf Maker that allows guests to customize elves by choosing outfits, accessories, hairstyles and facial hair “to make sure they’re stylin’ for all of the holiday shindigs happening on the North Pole this year,” wrote the woman, who, until now, had no discernible identity beyond her husband. The site also includes a Translations game for holiday greetings in other languages to “take your snowmenclature to new heights,” she added. Stressing the site’s educational features, Claus noted that Google will also share holiday photos from Local Guides globally to “get a better glimpse into how people all over the world are spending the holidays” so that users can then “test [their] knowledge of holiday traditions with a festive quiz powered by Google Earth and Street View.” And, of course, Claus complained that her husband never tells her where he is—which wives are wont to do, aren’t they?—and that’s precisely why she “enlisted [Google’s] elite team of cartographelves” to outfit Santa with a tracking device. And, as Christmas approaches, she said he will share his location—presumably willingly—on Google Maps so that viewers can also follow along. Working for the world’s biggest search engine has its perks. Claus also encouraged users to ask Google Assistant to tell them a holiday story or ask, “Hey Google, where’s Santa?” starting Dec. 23. She really wants to keep tabs on him. This post is the first verifiable proof that Claus works outside the home. She doesn’t have a LinkedIn profile, so her educational background and prior career experience is unclear, but there have been reports that say it includes more than a century as Mr. Claus’ personal assistant—and she’s particularly adept at dictation from all those years of recording Claus’ naughty/nice list. It’s not clear if dictation will be a useful skill in her role at Google, but it’s nice to see a big tech company give a nearly 150-year-old woman a chance. “From the Claus family to yours, have a very happy holiday. And remember: you’re sleighing it,” she said. No, Mrs. Claus, you are.