Bad News for Chicago: Chefs Agree Your ‘Pizza’ Sucks

chicago pizza

Yeah. It’s called soup. 

If I am a connoisseur in anything, other than PR listicles, talking baseball, and picking out women’s perfume (it’s a gift…sue me), it would be pizza. I am a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (although a skosh past puberty now). I adore pizza, from pan to hand-tossed, New York style to Texas style (jalapenos, if you’re wondering). If it’s pizza, I’m so there.

Unless it’s Chicago Deep Dish style. Some people think I’m an idiot for that stance but if I need a spoon and a fork to eat it, that’s a different meal entirely. And now, some serious chefs agree. Bad PR alert for the Windy City coming in … 3 … 2 … 1 …

Thanks to the lovely foodie blog Eater, we have a delightful offering four serious chefs and restaurateurs, two of which have serious TV shows as well: Graham Elliot (Graham Elliot Bistro, Chicago), David Posey (Blackbird, Chicago), Mathieu Palombino (Motorino, New York City), and Andrew Zimmern (AZ Canteen, Minneapolis)

While I strongly encourage a swim through the aforementioned Eater and respective link above, I’ll summarize for you, “Meh!”

To share Chef Posey’s quote, “Both are good. One is a pizza, one is not.” *BOOM* Sit down at the booth, Chi City, because I believe you have been served. That “pizza” has been the city’s staple for many decades. Denizens of the Chi adore it. Everyone else who doesn’t have ties to the Cubs, Michael Jordan, or Oprah, hate it. To these chefs, it’s great food but not what it’s called — in fact, this is in its truest sense, a “pie.” (Palombino calls it a “cake” and the newly svelte Elliot calls it “lasagna with crust.”)

Not even New York style (greatness) is a pie unlike this marinara tart of liquid lava. The city has redefined hot dogs with success, not this crap. So, what started this negative PR affront? Jon effin’ Stewart in all his glory. After you read the blog, please partake in the pizza shot hear ’round the world. Pure, scripted genius!