"United 93" reviews trickle in from TriBeCa: "I've never had a more excruciating moviegoing experience in my life"

We can offer you a peek at Salon.com‘s review of Universal‘s “United 93” a day early. Their take? To use an indelicate metaphor, it crashed and burned.

Stephanie Zacharek‘s review is remarkable, both for its length, and for how it excoriates Paul Greengrass‘ film…with praise.

Viz, her lede:

“Paul Greengrass’ “United 93” is a movie made with tremendous care, and with almost boundless sensitivity to persons living and dead. But just hours after seeing the picture, I’m finding it hard to care about Greengrass’ integrity: I’ve never had a more excruciating moviegoing experience in my life, and as brilliantly crafted — and as adamantly unexploitive — as the picture is, it still leaves you wondering why it was made in the first place.

And later,

“I walked out of “United 93” feeling bereft and despondent; my stomach muscles had tensed into a seemingly immovable knot. But the picture didn’t make me feel anything I hadn’t fully expected to feel.”

And finally:

“All of Greengrass’ artfulness and conscientiousness should add up to an astonishing movie. But as I watched “United 93,” ticking off the things I was grateful Greengrass hadn’t done…

Memo to Ron Meyer: Next time Zacharek stops to pay you a compliment, run.