ISIS Bored of Killing People, Attacks History Instead

Anyone else want to make "history" of this group?

Image: Islamic State releases video purportedly showing destruction of Nimrud

Depending on who you ask, the terrorist group craving all the headlines in the Middle East is called the Islamic State of Iraq in the Levant (ISIL) or the Islamic State of Iraq and Greater Syria, or the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria or the Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (all shortened to ISIS).

Here in America, we just call them next…and they happen to be looking for a new press officer and a fitness trainer.

From innocent civilians to traveling journalists to any military presence that stands in their way, this group is a collection of radical extremists who hide under the cloak of religion as a guise for world domination and mass murder. Now they want to destroy as much of history as they possibly can.

The group’s vandalism all began back in February when they burned more than 8,000 extremely rare books and manuscripts from the Mosul public library in northern Iraq. The same day the library was destroyed, ISIS also demolished both the church of Mary the Virgin and The Mosul University Theater.

PHOTO: Fethi Belaid, AFP/Getty Images

Then ISIS torched an abandoned village in Tunisia. Why did that make news? The village allegedly doubled as Tataouine, or the location for shooting on much of the original Star Wars film in 1976.

Fortunately for millions of nerds around the world, that report proved to be erroneous; Tunisian officials described it as “without foundation.”

(Phew! Also “Hi, Mom.”)

Over the weekend, ISIS turned the ancient city of Nimrud to rubble, according to FOX News. These recent attacks have horrified archaeologists, and U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon called the destruction “a war crime.” (We’re talking 13th century B.C.E. here.)

So, what’s with the cultural genocide?

ISIS GIFIn one of ISIS’ many videos, some bearded nitwit claimed that a higher power “told” the group to do it:

“The Prophet Muhammad commanded us to shatter and destroy statues,” a bearded man in a white shirt and black kufi says in Arabic at the beginning of the video. “This is what his companions did later on, when they conquered lands.”

Since Allah commanded us to shatter and destroy these statues, idols and remains, it is easy for us to obey… even if this costs billions of dollars.”

Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi once said of the aforementioned Tataouine,

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”

He was right. ISIS may be in the market for a talented press officer, but there’s little doubt, based on its recent actions, that it doesn’t much care what the rest of the world thinks.