Introducing. . . Larry Poppins!

Ha-ha-ha. . . Yes, well, the bloody contact sport of dreaming up and popularizing the best ludicrous neologisms (“Vaughniston” remains an instant classic) requires good physical fitness, emotional daring, and finely calibrated amounts of crystal meth, but we think we’ve got the lead as of this headline. What sparked our mind-boggling creative explosion is the feature on Fox News.com’s Foxlife that explores the new trend of hiring “mannies,” aka male nannies.

Britney Spears has always been a woefully underappreciated trendsetter to be sure, but Fox’s Michael Y. Park properly gives partial credit to Mr. Belvedere and “Charles in Charge” star Scott Baio, whose bandana-around-the-thigh innovation as Chachi on “Happy Days” was so fashion front edge that we haven’t even caught up to it yet. And with horrible cautionary tales like Hand That Rocks the Cradle and The Omen reminding us that female nannies just aren’t to be trusted, perhaps it’s time that men took a turn pushing your little cherubs to the park and talking to their brokers on the cell while Cody and Nevaeh eat four quarts of sand. O-132_400.jpg

Here’s our favorite part of the article, though: “. . .91 percent of respondents to an In Touch magazine poll said they would rather have a female nanny (9 percent preferred male).” Which re-confirms three essential facts:

1) When you add the numbers 91 and 9, you still get 100. Whew.

2) People who get their news from Fox really appreciate that extra legwork.

3) Trannies, regrettably, have yet to make in-roads into the child-care profession.