If only we could convince Brett Ratner to do this...

German film "director" (and we use the term loosely) Uwe Boll, reviled by gamers and cinephiles alike for his mind bogglingly awful movie adaptations of video games like "Blood Rayne" and "Alone in the Dark" isn't backing down from his critics. In fact, he's willing to take them on in the ring. Literally. From the "we couldn't make this up if we tried" department, we found the following press release today: Uwe Bollâ€™s position is "I am fed up. I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people whoâ€™ve never watched my films. I have been told that "BloodRayne" has a very bad IMDb rating, but how many of those votes of zero were made before the movie appeared in theatres." The criticism goes on and on. Uwe is now challenging the critics that failed to watch his films prior to reviewing or commenting, "TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP!" On July 17th, 2006 Uwe will start filming his next feature film, "Seed", starring Will Sanderson, Ralf Moeller, Michael Pare & Andrew Jackson. Following that film he will go into production in late September with another feature called "Postal". Both movies will be shot in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Towards the end of the filming of the "Postal" the 5 most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra / stand-in in "Postal" and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10 bout match. There will be 5 matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All 5 fights will be televised on the internet and will be covered by international press. Video game news website GameSpot claims to have verified the authenticity of the release. He even extended a specific challenge to Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary, the latter of whom bashed Boll while doing press for "Silent Hill," the recent video game adaptation he penned that actually didn't suck: Dr. Uwe Boll's invitation to fight and / or appear in his film is extended to all his harshest critics. Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino are among the most eligible candidates. Please God, let Quentin Tarantino get in a boxing ring with Uwe Boll and please get us that footage.

Fishbowl

If only we could convince Brett Ratner to do this...

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