Adventures in Marketing: Downton Abbey Homewares

Facebook fans of PBS‘s “Masterpiece Theater” mega-hit Downton Abbey may have noticed a strange request today following the show’s third season premier: producers looking for new ways to monetize the Abbey brand asked followers to make suggestions for a planned homeware range.

Carnival Films, the UK production company responsible for the well-suited soap opera, wants to “bring the beauty and elegance of Downton Abbey to homes” of plebians like us via “Homeware, crockery, pots and pans, kitchen items” and the like. The Facebook post also mentions furniture and lighting, calling upon manufacturers to volunteer their own product lines for branding.

We’re all about the newest trends in crowdsourcing and we understand the value of giving the people what they want, so we came up with a few ideas and figured we could work them into the show itself:

  • A Matthew Crawley handkerchief: because he always looks like he needs a good cry, and we wish he’d just go on and do it already.
  • A Lady Edith decanter: because we feel like she’d be less annoying if she threw one back once in a while.
  • A Lord Grantham money clip: because the man’s upper-class status isn’t obvious enough.
  • A Lady Mary meat serving platter: because she clearly needs to eat more protein.
  • A Dowager Countess cane: so she can steady herself and give a healthy whack to all those presumptuous underclass ingrates.

We also thought of mentioning some sort of poultry baster, but that was only so we could imagine the hilarious Fifty Shades of Chicken Twitter feed read in a British accent.

Oh, and a final word on Sunday’s US premier: not half bad. Shirely MacLaine was a pretty good casting choice, wasn’t she?