The Miss Jobless Chronicles: The Ex-Files (part 3 of 3)

So anyway, as I was saying last week…

I’ve been working for $10 an hour at my ex-girlfriend’s recording studio. It’s a little demeaning — not because of the rate or the kind of work, but because I’m working with her — the love of my life who dumped me 10 years ago.

I’m starstruck because the Yeah Yeah Yeahs have been recording at the studio, Avatar (formerly The Power Station), and part of my duties have included ordering lunch for them and presenting it to them like it’s room service in a swanky hotel.

“Hi,” I say, handing Karen three vegetarian wraps for her and the band. I’ve set them up on a shiny black enamel tray I got from the very well-stocked kitchen. Also on the tray: diet Cokes, tall bottles of Evian, glasses of ice, cloth napkins, Pirate’s Booty, Flake imported candy bars, fresh cantaloupe, and a single white tulip in a small silver vase. (One of the studio’s homey little touches.)

“Thanks!” she goes. “What’s your name again?”

“Caitlin,” I say, beginning to break a little sweat.

“Cat-land?”

“No, Caitlin. And by the way — what do you like to be called? I mean, is it ‘Karen’? Or do you like people to say the ‘O’ after it? As in, Karen O.?”

I feel like a fucking idiot.

“Karen is fine,” she smiles, probably sensing my nervousness. “Just Karen.”

“Oh. I mean, O.K. Well, enjoy your lunch!” I cant stop staring at her indelibly-red lips. “Let me know if you need anything else, anything at all.”

“Will do, thanks!”

She’s sweet. I walk away, wanting to hum “Maps” so badly… “ohhhh they don’t love you like I love you… mappppppps….”

Karen — my ex Karen — is busy working on some crazy shit in the main studio that I don’t understand. Lights are flashing, knobs are being turned, the computer is alive with waveforms, and the vocal track of the band’s new song is blaring. Just one phrase of it, on a loop.

“Hey.” I sit down, still pissed that she won’t let me take my picture with the band.

“Hey.”

“So what are you doing?”

“Tweaking the vocals.”

“Can I watch?”

Phone rings.

“Sure — hang on — let me get this call. Hello? Hi, honey. Probably not ’til late. Like, after ten. Go ahead and eat and I’ll see you later, OK? OK. Love you too.”

WHAT? Honey? Love you? I didn’t think I had any leftover feelings for Karen until I realized she had someone else in her life. My heart stung. I felt warm.

“Oh — how long have you been involved with — sorry, what’s her name?” I go.

“That doesn’t matter. Let’s just not go there.”

“No, I want to.”

“Well, I don’t. I’m under no obligation to tell you anything about my love life.”

“You cheated on me, didn’t you.”

“Really? You’re gonna go there?”

“‘You’re gonna go there?'” I mimicked, my voice getting louder. “I think Karen O. should know that her engineer is a fucking two-faced liar.”

“How old are you, Caitlin, five? Why don’t you go take a walk.”

“What are you, my mother? Don’t tell me to take a fucking walk.”

“Just get out, go be a …. forklift operator or something. Go write in your blog.”

“Fuck you.”

And I left, having learned the lesson pretty quickly that you shouldn’t ever work with someone you’ve dated or are dating.

When I get home, there’s a message on my machine. A well-known city “country” club wants to interview me for an editorial assistant position. I promptly call back, and set it up.
I spend the rest of the day writing and crying a little and applying for jobs on craigslist, wondering if I had just made a huge mistake.

Eh, screw it. I didn’t want a career in the stupid music industry anyway. Stupid Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Never really did like them.

Caitlin O’Toole is a New York City-based writer and editor. A native of Washington, D.C., she began her illustrious journalism career as a Washington Post paper girl. She has since written and edited for Sesame Workshop Digital, Star Magazine, The National Enquirer, Glamour, People.com, Parade.com and Washington’s City Paper. Her work has also been featured on Fox News, ABC, MTV and VH1. She lives in Chelsea with her two cats, Lucy and Ethel. She can be reached for work at her LinkedIn page, Tweets at @MsOToole, and blogs at Shits and Giggles.