To Feds: Who We Called Today

TO: Government Wiretappers
FROM: Dylan Stableford,
CC: Brian Ross, ABC News;
BCC: ‘Cheney’
SUBJECT: who we called today

Hey there!

We saw the report this morning from that you guys are tracking the phone numbers media reporters, like those at ABC News, call in an effort to “root out” confidential sources. “It’s time for you to get new cell phones, quick,” one of you confidential ABC “sources” said, in-person, as to illustrate the seriousness of this initiative. Nice touch, we might add.

Now, surely you’ll be monitoring our phone calls at FishbowlNY, if you haven’t already. Well, to save you guys some time, we’ve assembled a handy list of the phone calls we made today, their duration and purpose. This way, you can move on to the Ives and Fines and Bercovicis and Dumencos — I’m sure they’ll have a bit more explaining to do than us.

  • 7:58AM | 00:02 | AAA Roadside Assistance | Our car wouldn’t start this morning. F&#!ing German engineering.
  • 8:12AM | 00:02 | | Call to tell the powers that be about our late arrival. And about the f*#!ing German engineering.
  • 8:38AM | 00:04 | Mom | Our Mom. We called our Mom. So what?
  • 9:12AM | 00:47 | German Engineers | On hold for most of the call.
  • 10:12AM | 00:01 | Voicemail | None.
  • 10:13AM | 00:11 | Howard Polskin, Magazine Publishers of America | Thank him for the handful of invitations we received during Magazine Week.
  • 11:06AM | 00:04 | Jon Stewart | Invite him to host our summer barbeque. He’s considering.
  • 12:17PM | 00:01 | Dom’s | Inquire about the Soup of the Day.
  • 12:47PM | 00:01 | Adam Moss, New York magazine | Tell him he doesn’t look anything like Elvis Costello. Leave message.
  • 1:12PM | 00:01 | ABC | Just to check if they are really getting new phones. Unclear.
  • 2:26PM | 00:00 | German Engineers | They’re not picking up.
  • 3:45PM | 00:11 | Our agent | Actually we don’t have one. So, we usually spend Monday afternoons cold-calling random ones. “Hey, how’s it going, my man?”
  • 4:45PM | 00:01 | Valerie Plame | Figure she might be able to put us in contact with an “agent.” Leave message.
  • 4:47PM | 00:01 | Arthur Sulzberger, Jr., New York Times Co. | Inquire when this MyTimes will launch, and if it will include his own link suggestions.
  • 7:27PM | 00:14 | Dick Cheney | Dick Cheney.

    Hope this helps.

    Happing tapping!