Lifestyles of the Rich and Tasteless: Spike Dips Into Sex and it’s Good Stuff

Bravo TV continues to try and milk the success of its hit cooking show, “Top Chef” for all that it’s worth. They have started a new series called “Life After Top Chef” where we get a chance to visit previous contestants and see how they’re doing. Because I’m sure everyone is REALLY anxious to know how the losers on the show are living these days.

The D.C. area has it’s fair share of Top Chef alumni and in the upcoming season, they feature Chefs Bart Vandaele of Belga and Daniel O’Brien of Seasonal Pantry. In one of Bravo’s latest episodes, they check in with Chef Spike Mendelsohn, who runs locals restaurants Good Stuff Eatery, We, The Pizza and the upcoming Bearnaise. For those who aren’t familiar with the show, Spike is known for wearing dumb hats and threadbare T-shirts as part of his “style.” As we enter Spike’s abode, he says that the building is a former schoolhouse, which is appropriate because he “likes to play and school people.” While they don’t tell us exactly where the location is, I think it’s in that up and coming neighborhood of “DudeBro Junction.”

In the video, we are shown a mural in his living room and one of his favorite quotes has been painted on the wall. It’s one from Albert Einstein that says, “”Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” Except Mendelsohn can’t even pronounce the work “mediocre.” He says something that sounds like “Meaty Ocker”, which could be the name of a dish at his overpriced, over-rated burger slophouse.

We then move into the bedroom where Spike shows us his padded headboard on his bed. He says this is because he “doesn’t carry sex insurance.” What a nice, enticing way to tell the ladies of Washington, D.C. that you are DTF and ready to give them a hot two minutes of action with your scrawny ass that’s covered in burger grease and Chef-Boyardee-grade pizza sauce. Of course, that assumes that Spike spends time in his kitchens these days. Seems like he’s more concerned with chasing down fresh street art, funky hats and publicity more than doing actual cooking.

Oh, but it gets better. The next stop is the bathroom. For those of you non-celebrity chef readers, this is the place where you go to force yourself to gag up the trash that he calls food in his restaurants. Spike shows us that he has his/hers sinks in the potty, but sadly, no one to share it with. After his description of his bedroom antics, I can’t imagine WHY no sweet, young thing would want to share a dwelling with him. Also, his bathroom has a urinal in it, which is kind of cool.

Naturally the next stop is the kitchen. He says that since it’s his dad’s birthday, he has a chocolate cake. Take a look at that cake. That looks delicious. If your idea of delicious is roadkill. I’m sure it’s tasty, but this guy is a professional chef. It looks like the inside of a dead animal.

At this point, I stopped the video. There’s only so much “dude” I can take in one sitting. But, I’ll leave you these words of wisdom that Spike has on a chalkboard that he says help give him “inspiration.” The words that he is currently using are “Yum, Steak Time.” Yum, steak time indeed, Spike.

Want to start the weekend on a terrible note? Watch the entire video…