Jon Stewart: Not very likely to let Kate Hudson babysit

generic Jon Stewart.jpgYesterday Paul Rudd joined Jon to chat about the 40 Year-Old Virigin, today Kate Hudson smiled brilliantly for the sake of The Skeleton Key. Good fun, the both of them, but stop for a moment and daydream with me about if Jon had Novak. Yes. THAT’s the stuff our Daily Show is made of. Right O’Reilly?

Today, we experiment with brevity, and fail miserably:

  • We go from Iraq’s delayed insta-constitution yesterday to the space shuttle’s safe landing today. Stephen Colbert is always funny but I’m sorry, nothing is as funny as CNN space keener Miles O’Brien reporting from Cape Canaveral as the shuttle touched down in…Caifornia. “Looks like I went to the wrong city.” Classic.
  • “War on Terror,” welcome back. Osama, wherefore art thou? Tree stump, prepare to meet thine enemy.
  • Oh yeah, this recap is supposed to be for people who haven’t seen the show, too. The Bush camp has returned from its brief fling with “The Struggle Against Extremism” and we’re back on message. Another Al-Qaeda video, empty promises of Osama’s presence anywhere. George Bush rocks some chainsaw back at the ranch. Crawford, seat of power, blur of constant activity. Way to spin it, WSJ.
  • It’s official: the Daily Show loves Canada! Pot, gay marriage, Samantha Bee, and environmentally-friendly ethanol power. Today Rob Corrdry is in Toronto talkin’ energy conservation with an earnest-looking Canuck called Kory Teneycke who is convinced that ethanol is the answer to our energy woes. Cantankerous Globe & Mail columnist Eric Reguly dismisses it out of hand. Burning corn for fuel? Ridiculous! Or is it? Corddry makes the connection: “Turning food into fuel — that’s like what my tummy does!”

    Aw. More of Corddry’s bodily functions after the jump.

  • Corddry pooh-poohs earnest Kory’s dire warning about greenhouse gas emissions. “Global warming is real,” says Kory testily. How are these people constantly taken in? Are they under a pop-culture rock? In any case, in order to make ethanol fuel more palatable to consumers, they give it a face: that of Corn Cob Bob, smiling from ear to ear. Oy, I kill me. Corn Cob Bob was supposed to come out with a flourish on Canada Day, which is at the beginning of July but is not July 4th. Bite me on that one, says Corddry in disgust. Well, anyway, it was all planned – there’d be balloons, and temporary tattoos, and cheap, non-toxic power for everyone. Except sponsor Shell Canada, who said bite me on that, and told Bob to stick his corn cob where the ethanol, er, well, you know. Cut to Erig Regulay’s office as he sits in dark triumph over Corn Cob Bob. Surprise! CCB is outside waiting for a hug. Eric says no. Actually what he actually says is “oh, Christ.”
  • Corn Cob Bob is given a final chance to wow the kids. It does not work. Corn Cob Bob, it’s not meant to be. Corddry wants to show him a better place: “There’s gonna be balloons, and temporary tattoos!” We all brace for Corn Cob Bob’s bittersweet demise. Sweet, because his brains explode in caramel corn; bitter, because “I didn’t realize there was a dude in there.”
  • Commercial! I’m in Canada, so they’re different. Lordy, is this country excited to have its hockey back. Almost as psyched as those dudes in the Situation Room. Oh yes, we’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE!
  • Scene from “The Skeleton Key.” It’s no “My Baby’s Daddy.” Out comes Kate Hudson, who sits at the desk. “This is very serious,” she says, making a mock “serious” face. “I feel like I’m about to do some sort of news show.” Jon: “Guess what – you’re not. And that’s the sad truth.” Maybe for tonight, Jon. But that wayward Iraq constitution ain’t gonna make fun of itself.
  • Fun with childrearing! Jon shows off his in-depth pre-show research: “How old is the kid?” It’s Ryder, Jon. She had him with that really skinny pale dude from the Black Crowes.* Her baby boy is 19 months old, but you know, we didn’t need her say-so to know that she’s clearly way past breastfeeding. The talk turns, bizarrely, to Brat Camp. Kate’s talking about how important it is not to spoil a child. Jon makes a joke about giving a kid a knuckle sandwich. Kate agrees, and sayd yeah, “every once in a while.” There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. Kate, it appears, actually does think it spoils the child to spare the rod. I liked her better in that movie with Matthew McConaughey and John Corbett where she played a magazine editor who has ten days to raise her sister’s orphans with a bongo-playing priest. This Kate intones that you can’t reason with children, they must understand the word “no.” Jon’s boy is the same age; he suggests they’ll be in a band. His voice suggests “wrap up.” Kate’s all, oh how fun! What do you think they’ll play? Jon: “He’s gonna go Klezmer.” Cue the wrap-up voice but no, here’s Kate again. Eventually he just has to cut her off almost curtly, sweetened with a “Kate Hudson, everybody!”
  • Commercial: Mott’s Clamato. It’s clam-flavored tomato juice, and it’s super popular here. Funnily enough, the clam-flavored tomato juice has never really caught on in the States. Whatever, dude, it beats the hell out of Expedia. You know what I’m sayin’.
  • Moment of Zen, Crawford-style: “We’ve got a big task ahead of us in Washington, DC” — and cue chainsaw. Terrorists, be afraid. Be very afraid.

*Chris Robinson, yes, we know. He talks to angels, says they all know his name.