Dumbass Pitches

We take our duty of sharing Dumbass Pitches with you seriously. We get so many that it would be a crime to delete them into oblivion, without first sharing with you, the unsuspecting public. Today we are lucky enough to have received one from “beauty consultant”, Vicki Southard. Because everyone needs one of those in their life, right? Southard is the founder of “Beauty Be Natural”, a company that provides “all-natural, non-surgical home body wraps and non-toxic skin-care products.”

She’s here to let you know that October is Health Literacy Month. That seems slightly ironic considering how much candy and pumpkin-spiced cookies I plan on eating this month, but so be it. I don’t make these rules, I just live by them.

So, what “all-natural, non-surgical home body wraps and non-toxic skin-care products” is she shilling? How about a “Tummy Tight” body wrap? She manages to make it sound both easy and scary. She sells you a “compression bandage” that you soak in liquid minerals and wrap around your body. She says, “liquid mineral solution soaks into the skin and flushes out the toxins which are keeping the body “puffed up”. With the toxins removed, the body can safely release the fluids that had accumulated to dilute the toxins.”

Thanksgiving here we come! We’re already feeling less bloated.