Ask Piranhamous Anything

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

What do you think of the name Stark Raving Meghan for her new web series? And while we’re at it, what do you think of her knocking Michelle Malkin and Andrew Breitbart this week?

I don’t hate myself, so I didn’t watch Stark Raving Meghan, and I never will. There’s only so many times I can hear “’n stuff” and “like, totally” before I vomit, and I don’t want to vomit that many times in 5 minutes. As for her swipes at Breitbart and Malkin, I think Mediaite did a good job of pointing out what a hypocritical weenie she is. I’m talking about Noah Rothman’s piece, not what the alleged Tommy Christopher wrote. He behaved like a bigger boob than the mounds upon which Meghan’s chin rests when she’s got her “thinkin’ cap” on.

What do you think about CNN’s Wolf Blitzer leveling The Donald? Were you surprised he had it in him?

Every once in a while Wolf reverts back to being a real journalist. It’s not often, he’s not due again till October, but when he does he reminds viewers why they used to know who he was. It causes flashbacks to the first Gulf War and Wolf reporting from the Pentagon with the latest book on whatever point he was trying to make on the shelf over his shoulder.

Imagine you’re The Daily Caller‘s Michelle Fields and she’s sitting in the hair and makeup chair at Fox News. What do you think she asks them to do in terms of primping and preening?

Answering this caused my head to hurt. I bet that no matter what they do, she has them do it from the side or back so as to not obstruct her view of the mirror. And she probably touches up their work when they’re done. I suspect her last move in the mirror is to do that thing chicks do because they think it makes their boobs look bigger. You know, that thing where they lift them up and smash them together. There has to be a name for that…and a few billion fetish websites.

Is John Edwards one lucky bastard or what?

You misspelled sleazebag. It makes sense that he’d get off, that’s what got him in the mess in the first place. Sure, they could retry him on the charges the jury was hung on, but what’s the point? It’s only a matter of time before he has his own show on Current TV, and given the humiliation of being associated with Current TV, that should be punishment enough.