Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. So there is some discrepancy over whether the Daily Caller hooker story is a sex scandal or a reporting scandal. What do you think? 

When there’s a sex scandal I always error on the side of the media. Politicians are, for the most part, not good people. That’s not to say they’re all hooker-banging scum, or cheating scum, or even scum, but most of them are, um, “off.” There is a love of self only rivaled by media personalities and Hollywood-types. That they would feel entitled to do whatever they want to do isn’t news. Did Menendez sleep with hookers? If I were forced to bet I’d bet on yes. Do I know he did? Thankfully, no. But I can’t imagine anyone, not even Dominican hookers, claiming they slept with him if they didn’t. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, sure. Senator Menendez? Nope.

2. Are there any pundits on TV worth watching? If so, who? 

Every time FNC’s Charles Krauthammer opens his mouth people should listen. That said, I don’t know if that’s in keeping with the spirit of the question. My guess is you’re talking about physical looks. And since you used “pundit” I’m assuming you don’t mean hosts, so there goes the entire Fox line-up. There is no one on MSNBC who doesn’t look like they’ve seen better days when bell-bottoms were in style, so they’re off the list. Hmmm. To keep it androgynous I’ll name one of each gender. Anderson Cooper always looks well put together, which I realize is a gay stereotype but one they probably don’t mind. As for women, Imogen Lloyd Webber is easy on the eyes. Not always the brightest bulb on the tree, but listening wasn’t part of the question.

3. What do you think of DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz’ hair? How do you prefer it — straight or curly or the occasional corkscrew curls? 

Trick question. I don’t prefer her at all. But, since I’m paid to make the tough decisions, I have to step-up to the plate and make it. I have to go with straight. The less she looks like herself the better. If that sounds mean it’s only because I meant it to sound that way.