Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What did you think about the president going on The View? Are the ladies smart enough to interview Obama and what show should he do next?

What do I think of it? I’m not surprised. The President has spent most of his campaign wrapped in Nerf, talking mainly to friendly media fielding softball questions. Why not do The View? Especially when the alternative is to, you know, do his job. I’d rather a president meet with allies who are interested in stopping Iran from developing a nuclear bomb, but I’m old fashioned like that. Why bother with Bibi Netanyahu when Whoopi Goldberg is available? They’re both Jews after all, right?

2. Should a State Dept. spox be able to tell a reporter to “fuck off” and get away with it or not?

I don’t want to live in a country where anyone can’t tell anyone else to “Fuck off!” and get away with it. That said, “fuck off” is much worse than telling reporters to “Kiss my ass!” yet that was a story reported endlessly when a Romney spokesman did it. And I’d really hate to have a country where a shitty video is blamed for riots and murders it had nothing to with and the man who made it ends up in prison on bullshit charges of probation violation because President Obama needs a scapegoat to distract from his national security failures. Wait, I guess we have a country like that right now. Oh well, fuck off!

3. Who’s the best interviewer among these three and why: The Daily Beast and CNN’s Howie Kurtz, CNN’s Piers Morgan or Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart?

Dear lord, that’s like picking the guy you want to rape you in the prison shower – it’s going to be a horrible experience any way you look at it. I guess I’d pick Jon Stewart, but only because it would remind me of the old SNL skit “The Chris Farley Show” where he knowingly asks uninformed questions and just rambles. Howie and Piers ask uninformed/stupid questions but think they’re smart, at least Stewart admits he’s a joke.