Another Day, Another Annoying XMAS Poem

Maybe everyone has time on their hands these days for nonsensical cheery holiday sh-t like this, but  the outpouring of horrendous poetry circulating around our nation’s capital is on tilt.

But we’re always game for crappy poetry. This one comes from a former Democratic Hill flack who says he “warmly embraces the prospect of being mocked.”

Joshua Rosenblum, the poem’s author and press secretary for the Strengthen Social Security Campaign, calls it “Another Badass DCish Holiday Poem” — we prefer that minus “ass.” So it reads: “Another Bad DCish Holiday Poem.”

Read the poem after the jump. WARNING: it’s long, involves Social Security and ends with a non-rhyming thud. If you pass out reading it, it’s not our fault…And Josh, we sort of like you, but please keep your day job.

‘Twas the Night Congress Killed Social Security

This older gentleman never thought he’d be wondering what Congress is smoking as they contemplate cutting Social Security benefits in the guise of defiict reduction.

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when Congress expects to go home,
And billionaires celebrated another victory under the Capitol dome.
After Congress had passed Social Security cuts through the night,
Obama continued his move to the right.

Seniors and progressives woke up anxious and scared
Since Congress had voted late the night before to help billionaires.
They’d chosen to break apart Franklin Roosevelt’s big victory
Ignoring common sense by succumbing to logic contradictory.

“Social Security will be fine,” said the very folks who want to cut it.
“We’ll save it by ‘getting rid of its funding’s’ not bulls**t.”
“And tax cuts for billionaire’s we’d promised to cut,”
“Let’s keep ‘em for now to use as more populist smut.”

On went Defazio, Sherman, Sanders, Deutch, Holt, and more.
But they received pats on the heads like likable lefties to ignore,
Even though most Americans took the progressives side.
Again Congress backed insiders who insisted they let the tax cuts slide.

Pelosi, Hoyer, Clyburn, and Van Hollen came to their senses
voting right but only trying to mend fences.
Reassuring members hurt feelings on the estate tax
And getting enough votes to give the richest a cut to the max.

Those that claim they made a decent compromise,
Or that Democrats got much more should look in a senior’s eyes
And tell them they’ll make Social Security work
Not let it be cut like some kind of jerk.

If they laugh when you ask if this thing will work out
After voting for something they ran against in their last election rout
Remind them that almost everyone backs FDR’s fix.
Democrats, Republicans, Independents and Tea Partier’s all hate cuts and tricks.

If Social Security benefits get messed with
An election uprising would be no myth.
Goodbye Mr. President, goodbye members who make the mistake
Of voting for something that will make voters throw you in a lake.

Chanukah’s over, but Christmas and Kwanzaa are still to come
Some gifts have been given, but all buying’s still not been done.
There’s no hard and fast rules
For this holiday season of latkes and yules.

But make no mistake, a simple rule of thumb
Is “don’t cut Social Security” or this past election will be your last one.