(A Little Too Much) Hollywood Momentum

Hollywood Momentum, the curiously professional-looking webzine aimed at industry assistants, has started to run readers’ letters. The inaugural missive is freakish and terrifying:

Hi Lisa!

First off, I’d like to say how much I’ve been enjoying your weekly newsletter. It’s always a fun break in my day… [However] there are two articles in your latest issue I felt compelled to respond to: First… the article about keeping fit and healthy as an assistant. What lame advice. The truth is, suck it up you lazy assistants out there! Get off your lazy asses and get out of bed an hour earlier every day and get to the gym before work. “Squats at the photocopier”?!?. That isn’t going to do any good. Not only does my studio have a gym, but there is also a gym across the street I hit every day — 7:30am, done at 8:30. Showered and turning on my bosses’ computer by 8:55. In addition, I always make sure I have lots of meal-replacement shakes and protein bars at my desk. It may not taste great, but it’s the fuel I need for the day and I know it’s keeping me healthy and on point.

And as for the girl who can’t afford a bathing suit let alone a vacation. Stop complaining and sort it out. Be proactive. There is a solution for everything. I picked up a bartending gig on the weekends and have since doubled (yes, doubled) my salary with an extra 10hrs of work a week! While other assistants arrive to work Monday morning with hangovers, I’ve doubled my income. On the rare occasion there is a schmooze-worthy event on a Saturday night, I switch a shift. Not Rocket science. I do realize I am lucky to have such a great part time gig, but I can’t help but remind myself how “the harder I work, the luckier I get”.

In closing, I am surprised by the wimpiness of some of your columnists/fellow assistants. At the same time, I am reassured knowing that in this allegedly competitive world that is Hollywood, much of my competition are lazy whiners who expect life to be handed to them, and have no idea it’s theirs for the taking!

Well, there’s my 2 cents! Keep up the good work Lisa — really enjoying the site.

I would not want to meet this person in a dark cubicle.