Go Figure

1 Rank of Steven the Dell dude (aka Ben Curtis) on Stuff’s list of the 38 biggest losers of 2002. “Even if you skinned him, he’d still make an annoying rug,” says the witty accompanying blurb in the magazine. “It’s his affectations,” editor in chief Greg Gutfeld tells Shoptalk. “The arched eyebrows, the constant thumbs-up, the manic grinning like he’s on some kind of narcotic. … It’s like poison gas.” Stuff’s list, which is a response of sorts to Esquire’s “Best and Brightest” rankings (“that 65-page, irrelevant monstrosity,” as Gutfeld calls it), is bizarre. In addition to perennial losers Al Gore (No. 17) and Anna Nicole Smith (No. 19), it inexplicably includes the FBI (No. 6) and the Pennsylvania miners (No. 10).

8 Maximum word length of funny phrase that entrants can submit to Heinz’s “Say Something Ketchuppy” contest. Eight winners get to see their phrase and name on the squeeze bottle’s label. Rules cite lines such as “Meat loaf’s only hope” and “Quiet, please. Tomatoes meeting inside” for inspiration.