U.S. News Columnist Fights Stink Bugs by Stuffing Chimney With WaPo and Lighting a Match

You’ve heard of using newspapers as fish wrap. But how about using them to help murder stink bugs? About two weeks ago we brought you a report on the stink bugs invading U.S. News & World Report gossip columnist Paul Bedard’s life. We checked in again to make sure the bugs hadn’t eaten him alive – they haven’t – but the news is still frightening.

“Here’s the poop on the stink-bugs,” Bedard wrote FishbowlDC. “The creepy crawlers are still on the run from our fruit trees and field and into our house and garage. They’ve found every little opening they can to sneak in and hid in drapes, chairs, behind pictures and even in the little area between the refrigerator door and the rubber seal.”

(Hide the children for this next graph.) Next up: Bedard’s chimney. “I just knew they had filled our chimney but was almost to scared to find out,” he said. “So I stuffed the fireplace with paper, the Post of course being a Washington Times alum, and lit it and then opened the flue and the dead 1,000 or so dumped out and the live ones went nuts, most flying up and to a certain death, while some screamed out and into our faces. Was like a scene out of the Birds.”

Bedard says he has swept some 5,000 bugs out of the garage but those still alive and planning to hibernate are burrowed into the family clutter. “They have even sneaked into our eight bee hives to suck up some of the warmth inside,” he said.

This past weekend the Bedards again braced themselves. “I’m arming myself with bug foggers and a power washer. Look out stinkies,” he warned.

What are bug foggers and how’s Bedard coping? “It still sucks,” he said. Find out more after the jump…

Bug foggers: “It’s a can of Raid that fogs a room with killer,” Bedard explained.

Bedard’s general state of mind: “It still sucks and I’m afraid it’s going to get worse every year. We have a vacuum dedicated to it, but it stinks every time it’s turned on and it’s so loud and apparently frightening that the dogs head for the hills. I mean we have to clean ’em up all winter long cuz they get warm and crawl out on Christmas presents and such.”