Sumner Redstone and the Secret Elixir of Life

Have you ever wondered what keeps Methuselan media titan Sumner Redstone frisky as he stares at the ticker on CNBC, yelling crabbily at the screen, waiting for Viacom shares to soar or heads will roll? Me neither; Tim Arrango of Fortune, however, is good enough to provide the secret dark-purple elixir’s name. It — sotto voice — apparently makes Sumner feel like he’s 40 years old. From Fortune:

”As the years tick by, Sumner Redstone just gets more optimistic. Earlier this year the 84-year-old said he planned to live another 50 years; two years ago he was predicting another 20.

”His age has been in the spotlight lately because of the recent public spat with his daughter over his succession plans, but the controller of Viacom and CBS has lately been getting a bit of help in the form of a little-known super juice called MonaVie. ‘It’s a miracle drug,’ he told Fortune. ‘I feel great.”’

Arrango’s article says that Sumner is swilling up to 4 ounces a day of this $40-a-bottle concoction. According to some of the seriously creepy websites of multilevel marketers distributing this stuff, the drink contains 19 ‘super fruits’ — Mama says what? — including something called ‘wolfberry,’ and another something-something called ‘acai berry’ pronounced, Arrango tells us, ‘ah-sigh-ee (Averted Gaze).’ Moreover, Redstone has actually given bottles to Bill Clinton and Wolfgang Puck. No doubt this gesture was followed by — after a long pause and a strained ‘you shouldn’t have’ — the fluid sounds of those ‘super fruits’ flowing, noisily, down the drain.