The Gospel According to

As part of the PR campaign for’s brand new book of comedy lists You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News, the Demand Media affiliated website is offering a sneak peak at one of the 18 countdowns that have not previously appeared online.

In terms of holiday ho-ha-ha, it’s hard to beat “Five Real Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Some Ass.” Although the article went live only yesterday, it already at press time has half a million page views.

Our favorite selection from the NC-17 rated New Testament Apocrypha, which chronicles Jesus’ overlooked childhood, is the #4 entry about a high-stakes Claymation throwdown. Let’s just say when a five-year-old savior starts creating live sparrows out of mud, a pox on the kid who messes with his creativity.

There are many funny celebrity quotes endorsing Cracked’s new compilation, but the best description we’ve read comes fro UGO columnist Jordan Hoffman, to whom we also owe the H/T. To’s online fan base, he explains: “For those of you who don’t know what a book is, think of it as a really inexpensive iPad that only goes to one website.”