Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have special Thanksgiving installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What are you grateful for this Thanksgiving if anything? 

I hate to embrace the “if anything” part of this, but it’s probably the most accurate. I’m grateful for everything, especially the ability to be an unadulterated smartass here, but that’s not exactly in keeping with the spirit of the season. So I’ll just say shoes. I only have about four pairs of shoes, but could you imagine life without them? That would suck.

2. Which journalist probably goes back for a 5th helping?

Chris Matthews. Oh, you were talking about food and not the bar. Hmm. There’s always been something about Steve Hayes from Fox and the Weekly Standard that made me think he’s an eater. Maybe it’s his love of the Green Bay Packers. People up there love them some food. Along that line, MSNBC’s Chuck Todd will probably be in a turkey coma by the end of the night too.

3. Which political talk show should do us all a favor and go off the air? And don’t say a network. We know you obviously despise MSNBC, so please be original Piranhamous.

The world would probably be a better place if both The Five and MSNBC’s rip-off of it The Cycle went off the air. They’re both just terrible. They’re like Thanksgiving dinners from hell, only without the food and football. No one listens to anyone else, everyone knows what everyone is going to say and no one is as clever as they think they are. Come to think of it, they’re both like the kids table at the Thanksgiving from hell. A test pattern is more informative.

Happy Thanksgiving.