A Note To Any Company Considering Hiring Joe Donatelli

Reader Joe Donatelli needs a job. He was laid off from his job at Break Media in LA in August, and since then, has been underemployed (“walking his dog 15 times a day,” in his words) since.

He sent us a note saying that he’s begun including a new link in every cover letter he sends, which is titled “A Note To Any Company Considering Hiring Joe Donatelli.”

It includes plenty of reasons why he should be hired, which include:

  • He’s very good
    OK, it should probably go without saying that he’s very good, but it sounds like bragging in a cover letter to say “I’m very good.” Your company probably has hired very bad employees in the past. Joe would not be one of those, because, as we’ve stated here, and forgive us for beating a dead horse, he’s very good.
  • He will not steal from your company
    Pens, copy machines, profits — you name it. Joe Donatelli will not steal from your company. This is something he likes to call The Joe Donatelli Promise. If something is stolen while Joe is employed at your company, your best bet will be to start questioning any employee who has not made The Joe Donatelli Promise.

Onward til his promise to play on the company softball team (which was a big plus at a newspaper we used to work for), promising not to exceed the Secret Santa limit and make everyone else bad, and pledging to buy Girl Scout cookies from his coworkers’ daughters. (“Joe will buy the Thin Mints, which he immediately refrigerates.”)

“Will it get me anywhere? I don’t know,” he tells us. “Was it fun to write? Yes, it was. Is every word of it true? Indeed.”

Considering that Donatelli’s background includes humor writing and that his last job was at the largest online humor site, we think this was a pretty clever approach. Best of luck to you, Joe.