Well, at least one guy was reading it

Elliott Kalan, a humor columnist for the free tabloid Metro, was recently canned for writing that nobody reads newspapers anymore. From his column: “As this very copy of Metro shows, the only way to get most people to read a newspaper is to literally force it into their hands.” The joke didn’t go over with Metro International’s CEO, who reportedly ordered the columnist’s dismissal. (Kalan’s also a segment producer for The Daily Show, so I assume he can still pay his rent.) I hope you don’t think it crass if I use this opportunity to say I am available to take Kalan’s place. Here are a few examples of my unparalleled command of humor: Why’d the chicken cross the road? To buy a newspaper. A priest, a minister and rabbi walk into a bar. They’re all reading newspapers. Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Newspapers. So do I get the job? I know another newspaper joke, but it’ll be about four years before we get to the punchline.

—Posted by David Gianatasio