‘Onion’ unimpressed by holiday shoppers

Funny story from The Onion about the holiday-shopping season. Sample: “Since Thanksgiving, the advertising industry has spent over $1 billion to influence what American dicktards, asswipes, and cock-knobs will put under their Christmas trees,” Merrill Lynch retail analyst Barbour Scott said. “By the third week in December, that number is expected to quadruple, as the courting process intensifies for the gnat-like attention of these witless lamebrains.”