No use crying over thrown-up milk

The unemployed Florida Marlins batboy who got benched for accepting a dare to chug a whole gallon of milk in an hour without vomiting has found sympathy in the minor leagues. The Fort Myers Miracle of the Florida State League has offered him an honorary batboy job Monday night. “Similar to a rehab stint, we want to help this kid stay on top of his game,” Miracle GM Steve Gliner said. The team is also offering kids 14 and under a pint of milk upon entering the game. Do they have to drink it right there? Because unless they bring coolers, that milk will get pretty rank sitting in the Florida heat for hours. Now, we could understand if the kid drank that much milk and actually won the $500 dare. But he drank it, puked, lost and got suspended! And not to mention, who dared him? Another batboy? Oh, no. It was former Marlins pitcher Brad Penny, who is 27 and probably should not be using any of his $5 million salary to get kids to do stupid things. Penny plans to at least pay the boy the original bounty. It’s the least he could do. The Miracle aren’t the only ones who want to make good of the incident. The Milk Processor Education Program is offering the batboy $500, along with any lost wages from the suspension, as long as he promises to drink only the recommended three glasses of milk a day.

—Posted by Celeste Ward