If I Were in Lincoln Financial’s Ad Campaign

You may have seen Lincoln Financial’s mind-bending new campaign, in which investors have creepy little chats with their “future selves.” Inspired by those ads, here are some encounters with my future self.

  Future Self (on commuter train): There’s a stock that’ll go through the roof once the market opens today. I’ll whisper it in your ear so no one else will hear.
  (He whispers.)
  Current Self: Are you sure?
  Future Self (fading away): Trust me.
  Current Self (dials cell phone): I hope I heard that right. Hello? Yes, I’d like to buy 20,000 shares of Snapple.

  Future Self (bandaged head, arms in casts): Whatever you do, do not take flying lessons.
  Current Self: Whoa! You shouldn’t just pop in like that. If I take my eyes off these controls for one second, we could … aarrgh!!!

  Current Self: So, did you travel back in time and marry my mother so I’m really my own father?
  Future Self (sighs): You’re an idiot.

  Current Self: So, who wins the next election?
  Future Self: Jimmy Carter. (pause) It’s a long story.

  Future Self: Car keys?
  Current Self: Kitchen drawer.
  Future Self: Thanks.

  Current Self: Best of show at Cannes next year?
  Future Self: Wonderful integrated campaign from DraftFCB.
  (Silence, then both break up laughing.)

—Posted by David Gianatasio