In this case, it DID just disappear

SmokeingcdNothing captures the spirit of Christmas like a gift that stops giving—in two days.

The independent film Noel, a seasonal tale starring Susan Sarandon and Robin Williams, came and went (swiftly) with a novel—and creepy— strategy. Noel was shown in a handful of theaters in early November, then on TNT once over the Thanksgiving weekend, and now, unfathomably, on DVDs that self-destruct within 48 hours.

DUM dah dum dum.

No need for coal. Just order up one of these babies for $4.99 a pop at Amazon.com, leave the suicidal thing in the stocking until Sunday, and it’ll turn black and go belly up. And don’t forget the card: "Happy holidays. I hate you."

However, this Grand Guignol idea is too good not to export. Here, therefore, are some things we would like to see evaporate in 48 hours:

Desperate Housewives. They’ve already killed off one of them, not counting the wife who’s already dead, so it’s a start.

• The Miller/Anheuser-Busch advertising blood feud. A series of 30-second hissy fits. Listen, kids: Snap out of it, or we’re all switching to scotch.

• Oliver Stone’s Alexander—wait, that’s already happening.

What else should burst into flames? How about:

• Five SUV ads in one pod.

• Jared Fogle.

• Dan Rather—wait, that already happened.

—Posted by Jack Feuer