Super Bowl XL, third quarter

OK, so I’ll do my best here with the third quarter, but a case of hysterical blindness, brought on by seeing too much of Mick Jagger’s septuagenarian fish belly, may hamper my efforts. (Seriously, that was far more offensive than Janet Jackson’s nip slip. If ABC isn’t flooded with letters demanding that the pickled foursome be sent out to sea on an ice floe, then America isn’t the maniacally youth-obsessed culture that advertisers have come to count on.)
  8:56 p.m.
  Sons and Daughters: Boy, ABC is really pushing this show. But now
that I’ve heard the line "You don’t touch another man’s meat," I must
  8:55 p.m.
  CAREERBUILDER: He works with monkeys. She works with Jackasses. It’s love.
  8:49 p.m.
  HUMMER: Encore of the Modernista! ad that broke during the MTV Music
Awards last year. I still love a good swamp-thing-meets-giant-robot-begets-gas-guzzling-econightmare tale. The H3
will make mom and dad so proud.
  8:42 p.m.
  NATIONWIDE: Bringing back Fabio. Genius. Apparently he’s having a
real comeback, what with the upcoming I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter ad.
  8:41 p.m.
  BUDWEISER: Little Clydesdale with big dreams. See, this is why they have Take Your Colt to Work Day.
  8:34 p.m.
  SHARPIE: Usually, you can’t go wrong with pirates in my book. But
this guy is a bit boring. Wouldn’t it just be easier if he made his
other hand the hook. That way he could at least write "Pirate" instead
of just making an "X."
  8:33 p.m.
  MOTOPEBL: Nicely shot, but what’s the point? Looks like a pebble.
Great. Doesn’t make me want to buy their phone. Then again, my phone
doesn’t take pictures or play a Fugees song, and it looks like it’s been
a doggie chew toy. So maybe I’m not the most receptive audience here.
  8:33 p.m.
  AMERIQUEST MORTGAGE: Once again, Ameriquest comes up with exactly the kind of twisted humor that burns its brand into my brain. First the defibrillator ad, now a couple gets caught appearing to join the mile-high club. A slyly wicked twist is a great way to set yourself apart from the typically middle-brow humor (it’s funny to throw your phone at people?) and syrypy sentiment that generally dominates Super Bowl spots.

—Posted by Deanna Zammit