You mean gay as in happy?

Headshot of Tim Nudd

“Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants! Who’s obviously gay? Oh, like you can’t see!” Er … that’s right. Not content with villainizing live-action entertainment, conservative Christian groups are poking at a softer target, saying SpongeBob is little more than a brainwashing tool of gay-rights groups.

OK, so our underwater hero has camp cred among gay men, and he holds hands with Patrick the starfish. But as our 9th grade biology teacher, Ms. Lafferty, would point out, sponges and starfish both reproduce asexually. (Not to mention that from the looks of him, Bob was probably churned out by 3M.) Undeterred, Dr. James C. Dobson, founder of Focus on Family, claims that SpongeBob, along with Barney and Jimmy Neutron, his fellow cartoon Casanovas, is appearing in what amounts to a “pro-homosexual video.”

The video’s creator says the film focuses on tolerance and has nothing to do with sexuality. AdFreak hasn’t seen it, but one thing is clear: Encouraged by the FCC, certain conservative groups have whipped themselves into a witch hunt. Sure, Bob may have Vivian-Leigh-quality eyelashes and wear fabulous patent-leather shoes, but he also shows kids why it’s wrong to steal or be greedy and why there’s no reason to be afraid of the doctor. If that’s mind-warping …

—Posted by Deanna Zammit

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@nudd Tim Nudd is a former creative editor of Adweek.