How not to feel Kranky at Christmas

If your child tugs on your sleeve this holiday season and asks, “Mommy, what’s fascism?” by all means take the little tyke to see Christmas with the Kranks.

AdFreak had two hours to kill recently and had the misfortune of killing it (and our sense of dignity) by swallowing this poison pill. If nothing else, we thought it would be a potent opportunity for product placement, but unless you count something called Mel’s Hickory Smoked Ham, you’ll not find any slick marketing in this experience.

The Kranks, played by Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis (looking dowdier than thou), have packed their only daughter off to serve in the Peace Corps, and with house empty, Luther Krank (Allen) decides it would be best to skip Christmas and take his wife to the Caribbean.

Yeah, so?

Well, in case the symbolism is lost on you, krank in German means sick. Skipping the crass commercialism and pagan idolatry now associated with one of Christianity’s highest holidays? That’s sick! Get it?

So when word gets out to the neighbors, they try to harrass the Kranks back in line. The block’s “boss,” Vic Frohmeyer (Dan Aykroyd), gathers the neighborhood kids to demand that they put a giant Frosty the Snowman statue on their roof, just like everyone else. “Free Frosty!” the kids shout, over and over again. Pardon us, but AdFreak never heard of Frostymas.

Stuffed down beneath the junk in this red stocking is a message about the joy of doing a mitzvah. For those you who are out of the loop, a mitzvah is a blessing or good deed, and Jesus performed many of them, which is why many of us will be celebrating his birth, even if we plan to buy somebody a Mickey Mouse waffle iron in the process.

We wish we had given our $10.50 to an organization that helps homeless families, like the one depicted in the New Testament. There’s still time.

—Posted by Kathleen Sampey

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