Kmart and Joe Boxer’s High-Tech Bracelet Measures Inactivity and Celebrates Your Laziness

Plus, an hourlong ad about nothing

Nike FuelBand may have fizzled out, but luckily the Joe Boxer Inactivity Tracker is here to take its place.

Kmart is promoting its Joe Boxer pajamas with a new digital bracelet that's just like any of the other quantified self-fitness pieces on the market, only instead of making you feel guilty for missing your workout, it will celebrate you for it.

The brand is giving away the devices with select pajama purchases while supplies last—an accompanying app rewards extended sloth with badges like "Cryogenic" and "You rock!" (in this case, meaning the noun first, and the adjective second).

Even if you don't snag one of these hot ticket items, you can enjoy the hourlong launch ad below—a window into the "2015 Joe Boxer Lounger Games," where two guys sit in recliners trying to move as little as possible.

It really goes all in—purportedly focusing on the ninth hour of the fierce competition—and delivering 60 minutes of impressively inane announcer commentary, which makes it just like any other sport, really. (There are plenty of amusing tidbits mixed in if you skip around. Or if you have the stamina to watch all the way through, presumably, you can also tune back in for hour 10 on ESPN 35.)

The whole FCB project pokes some excellent fun at the tech-driven zeitgeist, and the world can always use more paeans to laziness. But any real pro couch potato will tell you it's better to skip the long pants altogether, especially with summer coming up fast.