Bank of America captures audience, annoys said audience, sets audience free

I am, as I write, on the phone trying to activate my Bank of America card. I’ve done all the right things—entered my bank card number, my expiration date, last four numbers on my social security number—but do I get to have my card activated to the soothing sounds of Yanni? No. I get to sit through a histrionic pitch for their identity theft protection services, which the recorded message tells me “is one of the best ways to stop thieves from destroying everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish.”