Today in Press Release Speak

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Press releases often contain ridiculously bad marketing speak. Nothing new there. But the first line in this press release really caught our eye:

Lumonall, Inc. (OTCBB: LUNL), a global purveyor of photoluminescent (glow-in-the-dark) emergency signage and guidance systems, is pleased to announce that it has retained strategic PR firm News North America. In business for over 25 years, News North America provides 100% guaranteed pick-up of media-requested, newsworthy content.

Really. 100% guaranteed pick-up of media-requested, newsworthy content.

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