Sure, there’s a Starbucks on every corner. If you don’t believe me, listen to the great Lewis Black explain it.
Now, I understand Starbucks thinks it is a retail giant, but it’s not. Admit it, O’ siren of the coffee bean. You sell addiction in a nicely tight package of prepubescent angst.
Your smarmy baristas may be happy to provide some fattening lemon, pumpkin or other fru-fru bread, but you are placed on every street corner in the known world to sell coffee.
Your PR is for coffee. Your products are known as coffee. Your bottom line is laced in it.
So, far be it from me — who just loves all this Thanksgiving Thursday / Black Friday hurry-hurry-sell-till-you-puke-mess — to allow a moment like this to go by without a comment of snark. But Santa has decided that Starbucks would be better served as a big box retail store than a depot for hipsters ogling over each other’s skinny jeans and graphic tees.
Well, dip me in a caramel macchiato and call me java mama. I hope this comes with an appointment to an internist because your damn liver and kidneys may have something for you by New Years.