Whelp. Only if that dream is to see your Mom and Dad die for the holidays.
I’m done. Out. The next time there’s a Disney animation film, my beloved children are going to have to wait for Netflix or Redbox because I’m not wasting another dime on Mickey’s prepubescent brainwashing and parental genocide again.
Have you seen Frozen?
Yeah. Yeah. (Way too much) singing. A cute snowman and reindeer. Pretty artwork. Princess saves the world. Blah. Blah. Blah. I have always joked about this to my family and anyone who will listen — Disney hates parents! They must. It’s a running theme in its movies that parents have to die. And my question is, “For the happiest place on Earth, where the hell is this sinister mom and dad ire coming from?”
More importantly, where is the PR on this?
There I am, inhaling a perfectly healthy bucket of popcorn and sharing an Icee with my offspring. We are watching the latest Disney film “Frozen” and of course, another early departure for the parents leaving the kids to fetch for themselves. The hell? And this is a trend too, but there is no PR outcry here. Why?
It all started with Bambi. Poor damn deer was left fatherless because Bambi’s mom went on Maury and got positive DNA results, I guess. But wait, Mom gets capped and dies before Bambi’s eyes. A scene that still scars me. What about Dumbo? Again, no father (guess he forgot to put something on, even elephants never…ah, never mind). And baby Dumbo is stripped away from Mom leaving her to play fetch with Barnum and Bailey. And this isn’t a ghetto thing either. The Aristocats don’t have a father either. So take that, ACLU.
Fast forward to the dawning of liberalism in the media, and we find ‘The Little Mermaid’ and ‘Beauty and the Beast’? Yeah, they have a father. One is a god, but no mother! Cinderella? No mother. Snow White? She’s a damn orphan. Peter Pan? It’s a parent-less paradise. Pinocchio? His mom is a blue fairy. Princess Jasmine? No mother and an idiot for a king father. Ratatouille? No mother, but at least we are told she’s dead. Even Quasimodo’s mother was killed. And that kid has it bad enough.
Yeah, and then there’s Andy on ‘Toy Story’. His father figure? A toy male that gives fatherly advice when Andy pulls a string. Nice.
Mufasa in ‘The Lion King’? Dead. Nemo’s mother? Dead. Nemo’s siblings? Dead too. The dude on ‘Up’? His wife dies. Brother Bear’s mother? Dead. The Chronicles of Narnia? Dead mother. Harry Potter? Bastard child. The Rescuers? Orphaned, just like another Disney bunkmate “Annie”. And don’t even get me started on ‘Tarzan’ or that ugly kid in ‘The Jungle Book’. That’s just sad.
I could go on, but why? How has Disney been able to skate by on orphaning kids and killing parents all these years, making money and escaping crisis communications? You know, I’m going to Change.org, starting a petition and see if I can get my kids to like something more child-friendly. Say, rugby or a vacation in North Korea.