Sure, the King can be seen courtside at Lakers games, or canoodling with Brooke Burke on the beach in Malibu, but one place you don’t usually find him is in Burger King restaurants. It’s an odd disconnect, but his absence was confirmed once again during a recent trip to New England, when the family stopped at two BKs—the only evidence of the King at all was those cardboard crowns. Not even an official portrait on the wall. Here’s my theory on why this is so: first, for many children—including mine—BK is the fast-feeder of choice because of the widespread perception it has better toys than McDonald’s. (Too much pepper in the batter for the Chicken Tenders, but who’s to quibble when a plastic Furby awaits?) Second, it’s been well-documented that the King even frightens adults. Thus, you can only imagine what sort of terror he’d unleash if allowed to actually appear in the stores, as was so beautifully put by someone commenting on Soxaholix: "The King gives me the heebie jeebies, and I refuse to eat at Burger King while he is the focus of their advertising. I gotta believe that small children everywhere are having nightmares about that thing interjecting into their lives at inappropriate times. 15 years from now when BK goes Chapter 11, they’ll trace it to a generation of teenagers that won’t go near a BK due to childhood fears of The King … Ronald McDonald he ain’t."
—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor