Well, I see Hot Pockets has scrapped its chipper housewife jingle (“Whatcha gonna pick? Hot Pockets!”) in favor of Hot Pockets Dojo, a wondrous slice of the Internet where Web surfers can be insulted in the broken English of “the master,” who wishes he was Pat Morita. Oh, it’s also another absurdist non-idea that isn’t funny and wastes your time with trite ethnic stereotypes when it could be telling you that there are about a jillion new varieties of Hot Pockets out there now. Seriously, have you been to the store lately? They’re like rabbits in that freezer. Maybe the best way for Hot Pockets to “stop wasting master’s time” is to get rid of him altogether.

—Posted by David Kiefaber