Banks give away free stuff like lollipops, pens and tote bags all the time. But TD Bank (newly merged from TD Banknorth and Commerce Bank), primed to please in a tanking economy, takes premiums to a whole new level by handing out free coffee, pizzas and umbrellas and running a sweepstakes with the services of chefs, chauffeurs and house cleaners as prizes. It's all part of a Tierney Communications campaign that uses Commerce's old line to bill TD, which mainly does business in the East, as "America's most convenient bank." Well, some bank has to be—and it's clearly not the behemoth Bank of America, with its "customer-service" voicemail system too complex for NASA to navigate. Oh, Regis and Kelly are also holdovers from the Commerce campaign—which is convenient for them in terms of getting another paycheck, but annoying for the rest of us who have to watch their tired antics.

—Posted by David Gianatasio