I was a teenager once. Back then, we rode horses 20 miles to school every day. Or maybe we rode dinosaurs. It was almost that long ago. There were no home computers. No Facebook. No Photoshop. There were photo shops at the mall, but most of us used Polaroid instant cameras. Thank God those will never die out! My point: We were all covered head to toe in zits and whatnot, and there wasn’t a damn thing we could do about it, because acne creams didn’t work way back when (it’s hard to believe, I know), and we couldn’t “enhance” or “fake” our appearances online. Today, of course, one can post David Beckham’s picture on one’s MySpace page; I don’t know who would do such a thing, but I want to assure Mr. Beckham’s attorneys that I’m abiding by the restraining order and it won’t happen again. Oh, there’s a new survey by OTX Research and Intelligence Group, which found that teens are happier with how they look online (78 percent) than in real life (68 percent). Stop. The. Presses. My point: I’ll play Styx as loud as I want today, because I’m feeling kind of sad about my lost youth. Stick your nose back in your own cubicle, Fred!

—Posted by David Gianatasio