Today we were shocked to learn that some people think Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world’s largest “brewery”, makes products that closely resemble alcohol-flavored water! But that’s not all: According to three $5M lawsuits filed by customers in three different states, the company skirts the law by adding water to Budweiser, Michelob and other famously awful beers, then “overcharg[ing]” customers and “unjustly enrich[ing]” itself by printing inaccurate alcohol content percentages on its packaging.
Oh, and before you ask, frat boys: these allegations apply to Natty Ice as well.
Of course AB InBev reps deny it all with highfalutin language about adhering “to the highest standards in brewing our beers”. But the brand should get ready for a bruising: the info supposedly comes from former employees at its 13 American breweries. Attorney Josh Boxer says that “We believe this is a corporate policy that comes from AB InBev and trickles down.” Touche, sir!
Apparently the company uses an advanced technique to measure alcohol content to within one-hundredth of one percent–and then adds a little water at the end to stretch its reserves as far as possible.
Oh, and Boxer isn’t done yet: at least two more identical suits will be filed in Ohio and California. One of the defendants, the perfectly named Brian Wilson, notes that he bought a case of Michelob Ultra each month for the past four years and naively believed the company’s claims that said suds contained 4.2% alcohol. Wouldn’t It Be Nice if that were true?
Don’t Worry, Baby–Anheuser-Busch will recover from this snafu: disgruntled former employees are always a little suspect in a court setting. But in the meantime, the plaintiffs want to warn people who, for some reason, continue to drink Budweiser and related products: Don’t Go Near the Water.
(OK, we’ll stop now.)