On the Menu for This Week’s Scandal: Death Threats, Pork Roast & 76-Year-Old Scotch

We all needed a drink after last night's episode.

Let’s start with the worst move of the night: Cyrus did the deed with sex worker and Portia di Rossi operative Michael. (I promise, I’ll learn Portia Di Rossi’s character’s name next week.)

First, Cyrus runs into him while he’s at a restaurant waiting for some business school friends. (He’s using his prostitution earnings to pay tuition.) Then he calls Cyrus at work and they have a flirty convo. Then they end up at a bar.

“You’re thirsty, but you don’t want a drink,” says Michael.

“I don’t pay for sex,” says Cyrus.

“You wouldn’t be paying for sex. You’d be paying for privacy,” replies Michael.

Next thing you know, Cyrus is in a hotel room handing over a $2,500 stack plus gratuities for services and Portia Di Rossi is smiling over a plot well laid. (Ha!)

We also pick up where President Fitz left off last week, pressing for gun control. The Elliot Gun Control Act is facing the 4th circuit court. Of the three judges on the panel, the administration is depending on Judge Sparks, the swing vote. Our new AG David Rosen is going to try this case but after facing Judge Sparks, it doesn’t look good.

“If I don’t get to be a soccer dad in Vermont, I need this to be worth something,” explodes Fitz. “I need a jerk to not be able to buy an AK-47 and shoot up a school.

“I’m sure you did your best. But these gun people. Our best isn’t good enough anymore. Thank you Rosen. I appreciate the effort. That will be all.”

And with that and a swig of  Scotch, Rosen is sent on his way. He goes directly to his files and, oh snap, turns out the judge killed a girl in 1992 with his car after running up a bar tab and the records were thought to be wiped clean. Faced with the info, the gun control law gets through the courts. But we learn shortly after all the celebrating that Judge Sparks killed himself after the verdict.

Back at the White House, everyone is obsessed with what the media is calling the “Killer Cliff Bride.” A woman was caught on amateur video seemingly pushing her new hubby off a cliff in Yosemite. The case has got Mellie’s attention and seems to be bringing her back to life, much to Fitz’s delight. Press Sec Abby (or “Gabby” as the President insists on calling her) tries to warn Fitz.

“Give her what she wants!” he hollers.

So Mellie organizes a high-level meeting with bigwigs from NASA and the FBI and presents these elaborate charts and documents only to find out that two witnesses had come forward that morning, confirmed that the bride is not, in fact, a killer, and the case is closed. All Mellie’s work down the drain. And she’s embarrassed on top of that. Abby jumps in to take her away to “another meeting” and when we last see the First Lady, she’s curled up on the couch again.

If there is one good outcome from all this, it’s the improved relationship between Abby and Fitz. She accepts an invitation to the Oval Office for a glass of 76-year-old scotch, what she calls the second best in the world. She knows what the best is and how to get it. “I’ll call the Queen to have some sent over,” she says.

With that, Fitz offers an apology for yelling at her and appreciates “the sensitivity she’s shown the First Lady.”

“You owe me an apology for not bothering to learn my name,” she says. “I’m Abby. Abby Whelan. I’m Scottish, by the way.” Go Abby!

Now they’re sitting on the couch and here we go. “Sooo. You’ve spoken to Olivia,” asks the President.

“Yes.”

“How is she?” And then the sad hound dog face. Fitz no longer cares about Abby’s name or her regal connections to choice scotch.

What else? Oh, so we get a little more from Papa Pope when Liv brings him coffee. She makes it clear that she just stopped by to say hello. But he knows she’s struggling to get back into the swing of things after being in “deep cover.” Is that what we’re calling beach getaways with a hot guy and endless access to fine wine? I’ll sign up for some of that “deep cover” too then.

“Something is missing. Everything is…” Rowan begins…

“Colder,” she says. “I’m adjusting. Everything is an adjustment.”

To help her adjust Papa Pope invites her over for dinner with Jake.

“Just a casual dinner,” Liv explains to Jake.

“With Command,” he says. “You’re not my girlfriend. If you were my girlfriend, I would come meet your dad. Even though he tortured me and threw me in a hole.” All good points! So the answer is no. “Call me later if you want me to do that thing to you.” Deep cover action!

Meanwhile, Jake is back to torturing people. And this time it might be Charlie. But Charlie’s got a lot of good intel, so he can negotiate his way out of being knifed into a bloody mess.

Quinn gets a call from Jake and she ends up locked in a torture room with Charlie for the night. But when he gets to close, she puts the smack down on him.

“Stronger. Tougher. More seasoned,” she says. Then they do some back and forth about how much she thinks he wants her. He says he doesn’t, but dude, you could ask for anything in the world to keep from being tortured and you asked for her. So yeah, clearly you’ve got feelings for the lady.

Eventually they’re laying on the floor and he asks her if she gets lonely. “I wake up lonely Robin. [That was her name before she got wrapped up with Liv, in case you forgot.] Empty… Do you ever feel like that?” he asks.

“No. I don’t get lonely because I have people,” she says, referring to the Gladiators. “I’m not like you.”

Then all of a sudden they’re making out. Whatever turns you on, right? They’re interrupted by Jake and now Charlie has to spill the beans.

When Quinn goes back to the office, turns out no one noticed she was missing for 24 hours. “That us unacceptable. That’s how Harrison died.” Nope. Actually, Harrison died because Columbus Short doesn’t know how to behave IRL. But Huck says later that the next time, he’ll go looking for her. Fine fine.

Then we come to the set piece of the night: Jake ultimately agrees to the most awkward dinner in the history of meals. When Liv steps away, Papa Pope thanks Jake for taking care of Liv and says some of the nicest words we’ve heard him speak ever. In return, Jake says he knows that Rowan had Harrison killed because he knew that Rowan had the president’s son killed. Then Papa Pope delivered the culprits “with their heads on a platter” so he could work his way in good with Fitz. Rowan denies it and then offers him more roast.

“Just shut your stubborn old man mouth,” says Jake who then demands that Papa Pope take the next plane to the South Pacific so he can’t hurt Liv again.

Next thing you know Rowan swings a knife and it lands between Jake’s fingers Aliens knife trick style and he unleashes the verbal fury. He was talking too fast for us to catch the best moments, so here you go.

Finally, the PR case of the night involved Catherine Winslow — a friend of Liv’s and Abby’s from law school and a “side chick before becoming the main chick” — and her missing daughter Kaitlyn (sp?), a good student who doesn’t usually run away like this. Catherine’s hubby is Jeremy, a high-powered lawyer who’s “making it rain.” Mom says she and Kaitlyn had a fight about college. Turns out Kaitlyn is at the Taft Hotel ordering room service, staying under her bestie’s name.

But they didn’t argue about college like the mom said. Mom has a sex tape with the daughter’s boyfriend. Kaitlyn found out and was going to tell dad. When Liv calls the hotel and asks for room 522 to get to the bottom of it, the cops are there. Kaitlyn’s been found DOA with two shots to the chest.

Liv asks if mom had anything to do with this; if she was hired to help her kill her own daughter. Mom says she had nothing to do with it and asks Liv to destroy the tape. Mom admits that she was bored and ruined everything, but she’s not a killer.

Huck (I think he’s back to Huck now that he’s not Randy the computer guy) tracks down another tape showing Kaitlyn fighting with someone over a folder in an elevator at her dad’s law firm. What’s that all about? Before they can find out, mom is getting arrested.

So it looks like this case will continue to next week, though I have to admit, I thought we still had to deal with the Senator from the week before last. Maybe that will come back a little later down the road.

Overall, last night’s episode seemed like a plot builder. We had to get a few people on screen to catch up with them and develop a little tension so we can get to some major craziness. Which leads me to believe next week is going to be off the chain.