— “The Pentagon has decided to omit from new detainee policies a key tenet of the Geneva Convention that explicitly bans ‘humiliating and degrading treatment.'”
Under the Pentagon’s new cunning plan, Gitmo detainees will no doubt soon be walking down the red carpet at premieres in front of a phalanx of paparazzi. Celeb photogs will be paid to frantically jockey for position and shout at one another, “Is it bin Laden?! Is it Zarqawi?!” only to finally get a good luck at the prisoner and turn away, disgusted, saying, “Oh. It’s no one.”
— Homeless speedbump queen Olga Rutterschmidt pleads not guilty. Puh-leeze. With this face?
— Hip replacements: The new Botox. Sort of.