For Valentine's Day, College Humor aims its arrows at hearts all aquiver, reworking famous public-service campaigns as cautionary warnings about relationships. A goofily grinning guy serves his sweetie an eggy breakfast in bed beneath the headline "This is your brain on love." Indeed, the yoke will be on him when she complains they're underdone and runny. There's an entry that reads "PLS DNT GET NKD + TXT," although some of us don't need to be smitten to indulge in such behavior and even enjoy making business calls au natural. As for "Truth is overrated—don't ask if he thinks the waitress is pretty," it's not so much her looks as the fact that few men can resist a gal carrying heaping plates of short ribs and cheese fries. Smokey the Bear, a veteran firefighter, reminds lovers that "Only YOU can prevent 'Eternal Flames,' " admonishing them against writing "lame poetry." I won't stoop to such clichés ("yoke" was atrocious enough), but let me just conclude with a rhyme: "Roses are red/Violets are blue/I lost my bank card/So dinner's on you." Happy V-Day, wuvvy-duv!