Elf ears. That's the seasonal gag gift from Providence, R.I., agency Nail Communications. It says they've been "hand selected and carefully severed just for you!" Hey, it beats the socks I usually get. (Maybe wedge a crowbar into your pocketbook this year, Mom?) Nail didn't bother to send me an actual ear, just a photo, so they might be fishing for free press without really mailing these disgusting, shriveled pieces of aged, pointy cartilage out. You know what they say: Believe elf of what you see and none of what you ear. Sorry, I couldn't elf myself.
—Posted by David Gianatasio