Planned Parenthood’s frisky new viral

PlannedparenthoodSacred Heart Academy, 1990. About 25 freshman girls sit in Morality class, books open to Chapter 7: Human Sexuality. Our teacher hobbles up to the front of the classroom, adjusts her habit and draws a white square on the chalkboard. “This is the box,” she informs us. “Don’t open the box. Turn to Chapter 8.” To SHA’s credit, no holds were barred in Biology, where we were shown diagrams and—gasp!—a video of childbirth. But considering the talk hadn’t evolved much since my Grandma Anna told Mom, “Keep-a you pocka-book closed,” this former Catholic schoolgirl was a bit shocked to see Planned Parenthood’s animated viral movie, “The G Spot”—“where your genitals tell it like it is.” In this small-screen gem, created by FlickerLab, “the box” is animated as a Kathy Hilton-esque persona in a gaping pink gown with fur trim. Her sidekick, Peter, is a bulbous-headed fellow whose ample, er, chest hair makes him seem one IROC away from cruising for chicks at disco-era hotspot 2001 Odyssey. Together, they narrate exactly how and when a woman can become pregnant. (Little-known fact: Sperm scream “Bonsai!” as they charge up the fallopian tube and woo the persnickety ovum with flowers and candy.) There are too many unsettling images in this Web-era filmstrip to mention—in one scene, a young blonde jumps up and down on the bed to avoid pregnancy, while her gray-haired paramour looks on with arched eyebrows. Nevertheless, the film holds your attention and is jam-packed with info. And while there’s no shortage of ill-advised jokes about Planned Parenthood disseminating a viral campaign, it seems to work. I sent it to my husband.

—Posted by Deanna Zammit