Thanks to daytime TV, I get to see Sarah Chalke shake her ass about 12 times an hour to prove that Hanes won’t ride up my crack. But it wasn’t until this weekend that I witnessed Michael Jordan and Charlie Sheen’s Hanes-inspired shenanigans (which, yes, have been airing for a while). Spots by The Martin Agency here. The premise seems to be that Michael Jordan is awesome and other people are totally into talking underwear with him. Michael is there all like, "You people are crazy." Shockingly, this has been going on longer than Jordan has been retired. Before Sheen (chosen by Hanes despite the nuclear press fallout after his divorce from Denise Richards), there was Cuba Gooding Jr., and before Cuba was Kevin Bacon, Matthew Perry, Jackie Chan and … oh my God, Jordan has been endorsing Hanes since 1993. Which means I must have seen a Michael Jordan Hanes commercial before now. Thing is, I can’t remember a single one. I remember Michael with Nike, Gatorade, Ball Park Franks and Wheaties. So either Hanes is doing a breathtaking job targeting men’s shows, or his Airness has oversaturated himself by endorsing too many brands. All I’m saying is, maybe it’s time they got their Hanes on someone else.
—Posted by Rebecca Cullers