Long John Silver’s has made what it believes is a tasty offer to the winner (as yet unknown) of this week’s $365 million Powerball lottery: a chance to become the official spokesperson for the company’s new Buttered Lobster Bites. This idea is about as hard to digest as a “Chicken Planks® & More” specialty dinner. Why would someone who has just won $365 million agree to work as a fast-food company spokesperson? Long John Silver’s president Steve Davis has it all figured out. “We think this is a first in the history of business,” he says in a statement. “We’ve selected a product spokesperson without even knowing the person’s identity, age, gender, marital status or occupation. What matters to us is that the winner represents what our new Buttered Lobster Bites are all about—that everyone in America can enjoy a taste of the good life.” The winner, who has yet to step forward, now has one more reason to keep his or her identity a secret. UPDATE: So, the winners have stepped forward, and they are: eight workers at a meat-processing plant in Nebraska. Processed meat, processed fish—maybe this is going to work after all.
—Posted by Tim Nudd