Let’s jump right on the green bandwagon!

Green
From: Big Corporate CEO
To: Staff
Re: Let’s Go GREEN!
  We’ve all heard a lot lately about how going green can improve a company’s brand image, better position its products in the marketplace and boost the bottom line. I’m not sure if any of that is true, but we’ve got to try something or we’ll be off-shoring the commissary service next. You know how long it takes to get a Cobb salad delivered from Mumbai? I don’t ever want to find out, so let’s just go green and see if that helps. Since I laid off the call-center staff, we’ll be converting that department into a hydroponic garden. The automatic dialers will be reprogrammed to play Bach (I read somewhere that produce likes classical music), and the sprinklers will be set for twice-daily misting. In an effort to reduce carbon emissions, all company cars will be replaced by Vespa scooters, and for those ferrying around clients, Radio Flyers will be available. Employees caught using Styrofoam cups or plastic silverwear will be fired on the spot. And from now on, let’s see quills on those pens. I’ve promoted the hydrangea in reception to vice president and asked it to oversee this initiative. If you’ve got any questions, concerns or complaints: Tell it to the plant!

—Posted by David Gianatasio